Time for Self Love

I’ve been feeling a little frustrated lately because even though I’ve been working to create the future I want for myself and the people I love, I don’t seem to be moving forward. What do you do if working hard isn’t the trick, damn! 

Sometimes we get so lost in this 3D reality that we forget things we know. I was reminded of this a few days ago by someone I trust that all illness and all disease have their base in our emotions. Let me say that again. All Illness and All Dis-Ease Has Its Base in Our Emotions!  We were designed to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. Not unhealthy. It stands to reason then that I am missing something.  

This made me take a step back and look at my emotions. I do my best to clear them every day. Obviously, I have been missing something and, in my meditation, asked what it is that I am not aware of. My answer was that I have buried fears to work on.  

These fears have everything to do with how I treat myself. I have spent my life not believing that I am good enough. After giving it thought this feeling goes back to my relationship with my Mother. She was a beautiful, wonderful, very intelligent and funny, woman who didn’t want to get married. The last thing she wanted was to be anyone’s Mother. Consequently, I grew up trying to make her like me. I knew she didn’t love me but I wanted her to at least like me.  

I did everything I could to make her see I was a worthwhile person but, nothing was ever good enough. I got good grades but I wasn’t 4.0, I lettered in sports but wasn’t most valuable player, I played two instruments in school and sat first chair for each. I succeeded and exceeded at everything I did, but it wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough. 

I’ve learned in the last few days that it’s not trying hard. We do have to work hard to make our dreams and goals a reality but if we are feeling stuck or trapped, maybe it’s what we are not doing that is the block keeping us stuck! 

Now, I realize that I asked her to play that role in this lifetime. I thought I’d learned the lessons it had to teach me. Apparently not! What I have learned is that it boils down to loving myself. If I don’t love all of who I am and love myself enough to take care of my body, mind and spirit then I am not doing all that is asked of me in this lifetime.  

I have a strong mind and spiritually I am as well. For me the block holding me back is self-love. I have never loved myself enough to take care of my body the way I should. Like most people i start and stop. There is an abundance of excuses why. They all boil down to me not liking me enough. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You see I have always been enough. I am not and never have been less than. I decided that because my Mother didn’t love me I didn’t count. That is so not true.

When we depend on other people to validate our worthiness we hand our self-respect to them. They hold the key to who we are and who we will become.   

I thought I had cleared all this emotion. I am so much stronger and braver than I have ever been. It makes a little bit of sense though because I don’t let my feelings show. I had a spiritual teacher in Michigan tell me that I was the most stoic person he had ever met. I guess I have been hiding my emotions from myself as well. This means I need more meditation and emotional work during the day. I wonder what else I have buried? I’m sure I’ll find it! 

Since having this revelation I have begun a mission of self-love. I am getting up at 5:30 am to take a walk. I gave up coffee and sugar. My guides have been telling me for years to stop drinking coffee because it interferes with my psychic connection. Sugar and carbohydrates feed bacteria in the body that cause cancer and other inflammatory issues. For a long time, I was largely vegetarian but I must admit I drifted away into packaged processed crap that doesn’t have even a tiny bit of healthy in them. Time to get back to raw and healthy!  Time to love myself enough to get there.

Have a great day!  

Blessed Be ❤ Sharon