The Dark Night

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It’s interesting to me how silently old beliefs and thought patterns slip back into our lives. Just when we think we’ve overcome them, there they are again. We think we have grown beyond the doubt and pain inflicted on us by well-meaning friends and family. We think we have won the battle of believing ourselves so flawed that surly we have no reason to be alive.

Such is the dark night of the soul. This is where I sit right now. In my head I know that these are periods of testing that we all must endure to grow into the spiritual beings we are intended to be. And, its growth I ask the Godhead to bring upon me in order to be able to fulfill my purpose on this planet. Time is getting short and there is still much to do, right now though, the pain I feel in my heart and soul is almost unbearable. I feel bad for people who don’t understand why periods like this come around. These testing periods can be overwhelming but they are absolutely necessary. As necessary as they are, to someone who doesn’t understand, it can stop them in their tracks.

As a child I was the kid nobody wanted to play with, I was the one ridiculed and made to feel as if I was somehow unworthy. The last couple of days I’ve felt like I am standing in front of a crowd with a spot light on me. All I can do is stand there and listen to them laugh at me. When in your heart you feel unworthy and invisible, you don’t fight, you take it because you feel there is nothing within you worth fighting for. You don’t entertain the thought that dreams can come true for someone like you. So you give up and don’t even try.

It’s funny, I thought these were issues I had beaten. Ten years in an abusive relationship taught me I am strong and capable. Perhaps they never go away, maybe we just grow so strong that they no longer hurt us and these issues slink back into the darkness. They take up residence in a corner waiting for an opportunity, such as this, to attack. Boy did they attack! It’s been a heck of a storm.

Fortunately I know that I am strong, capable and powerful. I am awake and understand that the flood of things I am feeling is temporary. The dark night of the soul is meant to make you stronger and lift you higher. When this is over I will have a deeper sense of love for the people of this planet, a stronger focus on my life purpose. I will know and speak my truth more boldly. I will believe more deeply that I am worthy of everything I want for my life.

To anyone out there battling your own dark night of the soul; fight. Continue to fight until you find your way through it. Your life and your future is worth it.

Look there is a rainbow!

Blessed Be ❀ Sharon

20 thoughts on “The Dark Night

  1. Gurl!!!!….. : (
    I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way today..or any day…I can relate to this on so many levels the horrid abuse I went through for fucking 6 years damn I though and almost died a few times from lets call him azzhole number 1…. you see I also had an azzhole number 2 but that is where I draw the line ..No more…except number 1 was abusive physical and 2 I would have to think on how to put what he did …
    I often wonder if we ever can get past these dark and still scary feelings…I mean really get past..since they like to creep into your mind at odd times…But you are strong and yes you will get pass this …
    Yes we have to keep fighting…that is a must my dear one : ) this to shall pass right…….I thought about writing about some more …but darker and deeper and they are in my mind…even though I thought I had filed them away ; ) but I probably could skim the service I just don’t know how deep I want to go with being so open ..I mean I have nothing to hide from anyone..I really enjoy everyone on here and have fun talking to everyone…so as of now it’s a toss up ….plus the things I have seen in the hospitals and well life..and we know life is deep and we all have our demons …..I do believe that sometimes when these dark times hit us ..we do learn from it all and grow…and just like what you wrote above I know I can relate so I a m sure others can relate tooo…maybe not comment since darkness is hard for some to express…..
    Just know that I am here for you sugar plum gurl… and that I would have played with you as a gurl anytime..I think that you are so very special and special to me even tho we just met and I have told you this ..I feel like we have met before …anytime gurl you want or need to talk I am usually around unless I am running around the house nakkie lol or other parts of the house or drs appt or or…in bed every once in awhile lol..
    Hugggggs n love my dear sunshine sweetheart sugar plum πŸ™‚
    Suzz

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am feeling much better. Writing the post helped me put much of this testing into perspective. I accept that the Godhead will test us and I did ask for it! Fortunately I didn’t lose myself in the test. Sometimes people do. The testing is needed and I am sure there will be more for me.
      You’re right sometimes there are no words for what you feel. A year ago I probably would not have even brought this up. I am a very private person with very big trust issues. It took a while for me to feel comfortable enough here to open myself up.
      Thank you for being so kind. you know there is always the possibility that we have known each other before. πŸ™‚ I love it when I meet people from my soul group. Hugggs ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, I’m so sorry to hear you have been in this darkness. I suffer from depression and have days when I’ve been down but sometimes I have felt that great darkness where I have questioned everything about myself and my life and where I feel all those old wounds from my past. Although I haven’t suffered an abusive relationship I have been both bullied throughout my childhood and teens and also faced sexual abuse as a very young child.
    Like you I’ve always been private. Until 6 months ago when I started my blog I never admitted to anyone any part of my life, not even the depression. I’ve found such support here from wonderful people and we all support and care for each other. I’m glad you now feel able to talk about these things, I certainly find myself feeling stronger for admitting my past :).
    You will make it through your dark night, I recently got through my dark time, though I don’t know if it was a true dark night of the soul. Keep strong and I’ll send you good thoughts on your journey through it :).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sharon I’m so sorry you’re going through hard times. I hope that writing all that down helped in some way to cleanse so you can move forward. It’s hard to stay focused and positive and we all have our dark days, no doubt about it, but know that you can do it. Stay strong and believe in yourself, you’re worth it. Hugs to you from across the ocean. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad my post helped you. Writing it helped me a lot. Sometimes these testing periods do make us feel so isolated. I think if we go into them knowing that there is something we can learn that might help too. If we remind ourselves it’s temporary and will help us grow it might change our perspective enough to help us through it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Very true – but I always feel like I’m alone, and never know how to ask for reassurance…because I never get it. I get insults when I’m the most vulnerable, so I never want to open up.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh my, I am so sorry that the people in your life are not supportive. That is a tough place to be. Call on your guides to and your guardian to lean you to people that you can relate to and who get you. They lead you here! Granted I am a virtual stranger but you matter to me!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Read this recently, can’t remember exact wording but– when fear whispers to the warrior “you can’t withstand this storm”, the warrior whispers back “I am the storm”…

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  5. Know and BELIEVE you are perfect. I had a sponsor who kept reminding me to squeeze all the good out of each bad situation. Keep squeezing and squeezing, because the bad will go away. Also, bless those feelings that are rolling over you. Once you bless them, something happens, and they begin to go away. That is not to say it is easy, fun, or even very interesting…but we do learn. I have suffered from depression most of my life…and thank goodness antidepressants work for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I expected that at some point this type of situation would come this year. It’s a nine year and getting rid of what no longer serves our highest good is what a nine year if for. I did ask for it! I was just not expecting the cleansing to go so deep. We can’t let go of things buried within us unless we face them and accept it.

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